My home is a sanctuary. It is sacred and as soon as I walk inside, I feel like myself and I feel "at home". It smells cozy and warm, but never stuffy. There is natural light everywhere with a huge, open floor plan. It's as if the house is a large studio. I can easily move from one activity to another and I feel connected. It is organized but not sterile, it is a true reflection of who I am when at my best. I have close access to both nature and downtown, I live in the pearl district. I constantly feel inspired and grounded by my surroundings. We have enough space to let our friends stay when they visit or if they're too inebriated/sick to get home or generally whenever they want. There are plants everywhere and I'm very good at keeping them thriving - the house is filled with love and we have creatures that we love deeply and the house never feels dirty or smelly despite them being there. The floors are clean enough for me to walk on it without shoes, it's easily accessible. No stairs. Big windows, floor to ceiling, but updated enough to where it doesn't make the space too warm. It is not cluttered with unnecessary things, everything we own is deeply loved and used. Our cabinets are all organized and it's easy for me to find things, no fear or discomfort predicting something will fall. Fridge is clean and organized, easily able to tell where food is and what is available. The bathroom is large with a lot of space, it has a large claw bathtub. The decor is a mix of vintage, art, cozy, and clean - it feels nurturing to the spirit and is unique, it is personal. I am there to refresh and it never lets me down - I am also able to leave the house a lot to do things that inspire me because my energy is restored, high, consistent, and stable. I have all the space and equipment necessary to do any sort of art or activity I desire.

I will begin again as someone who persevered, 18 years of perseverance despite beginning so many times that each beginning began to feel banal. When I graduate this December, the degree won't mean nearly as much to me as the fact that it's proof I finished something. Something really hard where I could never even imagine an end point, just continuous chipping away. I don't consider it proof of me being smart or accomplished, it's just proof to myself that I can pursue a goal, take longer than the majority of the population to achieve it, stop and begin, stop and begin, stop and begin, and then actually say "I'm finished". I have so many unfinished projects, dreams, goals, etc. This will be the first I can point to as proof that it's possible.

I get a lot of joy from cooking from scratch, healthy meals, mostly vegan, always vegetarian. It's meditative. The kitchen is clean, organized, and I feel confident and proud in what I'm making. I bake bread from scratch, make almond milk, lebnah, and have an amazing and organized collection of spices. We eat very well and very healthy. I understand the term "food is medicine" now. It smells fresh, the kitchen door is open and the breeze, sun, rain, clouds - whatever the weather, it feels restorative and freeing. We eat a lot of vegetables because they taste good and make our bodies feel nourished. I bring things I make to work and share them with coworkers and they enjoy eating them too. I feel at peace, simple, and like I am truly taking care of myself. Food doesn't go to waste, our grocery bills are small but go a long ways due to how many things we choose to spend time on making instead of purchasing out of convenience. Andrew and I go to local farms and farmers markets to get our ingredients. We both love cooking and baking now, he has confidence in his skillset and we collaborate on new things we want to try and have our favorites. We cook and bake for one another as a surprise. We find recipes from our ancestral backgrounds or take childhood comfort foods and create them in a way that still feels nostalgic but provides us with deeper physical nourishment. We eat in moderation and are satisfied, our blood pressure, heart issues, diabetes worries are gone due to how well we are treating ourselves. We eat outside as much as possible, it's leisurely and we take our time. We feel no need to rush. We are in the process of starting a garden of our own in our new home and we plan to have flowers, herbs, vegetables, fruit trees, and an amazing natural sanctuary for ourselves and the local ecology. The kitchen is bright and welcoming and large, it has cute decor that feels safe and warm and encourages creativity and love - we host a lot of meal get togethers with our friends, co-workers, and neighbors. We laugh a lot during these get togethers and they are a staple of our social life. They happen at least once a week.

I walk outside everyday, at least for 30 minutes, oftentimes more. I feel fulfilled and connected to nature. I am surrounded by green, beautiful flowers, creatures, and I breathe in air that tastes and smells fresh/rejuvenating. Ideas come to me that excite me, little writing blurbs, etc. It is a fundamental part of my day and self-care practice. It feels as natural to me as taking a nap does now. I explore Portland and find hidden spots that become a sanctuary to me. Walking becomes a healing practice that I can use whenever cravings, feelings of worthlessness, exhaustion, burnout, fear, anxiety, depression, apathy, and/or desire for self sabotage/harm comes up - it is effective and I feel like I have a healthy amount of control over my emotions. I love my body and feel confident and strong - I notice myself losing weight but I'm happy because it's a cue of my health improving, not purely vanity purposes. I see different birds and log them, I take pictures of things I find interesting - these walks become a wellspring for my inner world. I read and identify with famous people in the past who talked about the benefits of walking. I crave it and I never feel alone because I know nature is just outside the door, ready to spend time with me. I smell so many beautiful things - I take myself to get food and am responsible with my money because the main enjoyment comes from the walk/journey to get food, not spending the money on the food. I start to want sex more because I feel in my body; my body and its actions are no longer separate from my mind/they are harmonious and merge into one, fully embodied. Sometimes I sit by the water by the Tilikum bridge and smell the breeze and water, crisp air. Sometimes I take off my shoes and push my feet, toes, heels, into the lush, soft, cold grass. I touch trees, flowers, and walls as I walk by them. I feel like I am a part of Portland - that we are friends. I share myself with the city as it shares itself with me. I look at the sky when the moon is bright, or the stars are, or if the sky is pitch black. I always feel safe and I am.

1. Bird coming out of the vet 2. Bird looking behind to make sure I was coming up the stairs with him 3. Bird resting on couch 4. My açaí bowl with cardamon almond butter 5. Andrew at trivia 6. Andrew in bed next to me, his back 7. Woman at bus stop with trader joes reusable bag 8. Back of retirement home, the black streaks on the concrete walls 9. Parker's shirt with the frizzy brax creature that I like 10. Pretzel bites with cheese and mustard in black cast iron dish